Warm Body

I have never felt so warm before. It is like i am radiating heat. My heart will thump so hard and fast, and i will try to breathe. I will place my hand on my chest and breathe into my hand--that is what they tell me to do in Ballet class. It allows for more movement, for expression, for heart. It prevents my body and soul from being bottled up.-- And when i am having one of these warm body attacks, that's how i feel, bottled up.

Sometimes, in class i will get so emotionally involved and have so many things to say. All my thoughts get bundled up in my chest, and i wait till i can splurge them outward in a frenzy, my heart pounding. And my heart will continue to pound even when i have said what i wanted to say. It pounds as i try to relax back into my seat. It pounds as i glance around the room to see what my classmates look like, how they responded, if they even give a shit.

My roommate sleeps with her socks on, she even walks around the room in her socks, does her homework in her socks. I guess i picked it up from her. It is cute. My feet would also get really dirty, and socks keep them clean. In bed, with my socks on, i will wake up in the middle of the night and throw my covers off of me in a sweat. Perhaps it was my emotional dreams, or the transition back into consciousness. The fan even on, and the window open. I did chose to have my sheets yellow and orange for winter. It's like a sun bed. It is like i am sleeping in the sun.

He loves me. He loves me so much that i start to burn up, tears behind my eyes and my chest out of control again. He tells me that he could use my warm body next to him at night, especially when he forgets to close his window.